Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Today is my Mom's birthday.

I did not call her.  I am chagrined and hoping she is sitting on a bench at Bodega Bay reading this on the day after her birthday, and she knows how much I love her.  I am going to tell the story, of my excuse why I did not call.  It is a good one.
16 Feb, 2:15 AM-Sound of running footsteps, SPLLLLaaaaaaaaaaaaaT, SPLllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat, LIGHT in my eyes, my bedroom door is slammed opened to
The sound of Anna yelling,
"Mom!!!! Abby puked!!!"
~ a quick back in time, last time Abby puked was from the top bunk, curdled flu ridden spaghetti into the box fan. She is a spewer.  One who sends her chunkage to the ends of the earth.
I went to pull on my robe (the nice fluffy blue one I got for Christmas) and shook my head, no, I took the fake silk african caftan instead, easier to wash.  Moms are programmed to think this way.
Out to the hallway to see.  Pink.  Yes, you see yesterday was the day after Valentine's and the neighborhood kids are sharing tons of candy with my children.  Pink is the color of most of what Abby had, along with Fried Rice, Boneless Chicken and Oatmeal No-Bake cookies.  Pink on the hall walls, the hall floor, then the bathroom. I must start another paragraph.
Apparently, the sink was a better target as the projectile pink fermentation erupted out of Abby's tummy and she must have turned her head to see or towards the light switch, then looked up as the light went on, as the regurgitation was at the 7 foot high mark and yes dripping down my walls.   It covered the vanity, each drawer had cascades of the pink ooze on each handle. 
Abby's face was covered you see cause she had hurled her cache into her hands and ran down the hall, swinging it haphazardly (CSI would have to be brought in to find the correct arc of her arms, but it was more that a few splatters).  Her neck and t-shirt, had a bilious pink texture.
Me: Baby, you need to throw up again (thinking cause I might have to soon)?
Abby: retch, retch, retch, retch, (into my now pink lumpy toilet)
Me: You done, hon? (rhymes amazing me at the moment)
Abby: oh yeah I feel better, can I wash my hands?
Me: please, lets get you in the shower, just get in with your clothes on, I'll take them and put them in the wash after you are done.
Abby: Okay!
She is in shower I am clean up.  I immediately take up the rugs in the bathroom, and a towel and pick up the pools of pink from the floor, to the washer they go.  I grab the mop, and bleach.  I do a quick clean up of hall so Tony can get out of the bedroom.  He is going for the Sprite at the Quick stop around the corner.  He usually wakes up at 3:15am, but an earlier wake up call.
The hall is passable, and I am pouring bleach from the top of the walls in the bathroom and not thinking, bleach is a liquid.
Pass the light switch.
A lovely blue flash of fire shoots out the light switch and.............
all the lights go out.
Remember, Abby is in the shower.
I am standing in vomit, and now bleach and now in the dark!
I poured bleach on the switch and blew a fuse!! (freaking out quiver has hit my vocal cords)

He says, is it safe to walk down the hall? (very calm, and real nice by the way)

Yes! I am on the verge of tears.
Abby, baby are you okay.  
Yep, I am just washing my hair.  What happened?
I explain, in case she missed me scream it to her dad!
Oh, okay, she says!
I said are you okay, can you stay in there for a minute? Open the window!!
The bleach fumes are overwhelming now!!
Tony goes outside, it is dark and raining. 
He can't see the right fuse, so throws them all.
I pull the towels and begin more cleaning, getting the large areas, enough so Abby can get out of shower, and cuddle on the bed with her ever present twin sisiter Anna.  Anna is standing in her doorway, checking on my progress and helpfully pointing out areas I miss.
**diversion, you see I wear bifocals, and I am in desperate need of them right now, so I am actually appreciating her telling me**
Abby comes out of shower.
Tony heads to get Sprite for Abby, and more bleach.
He goes to Wal-mart, thinking Winco (closer) is closed. 
Abby thinks Dad just went to work, and she is not getting Sprite.  She settles for the flat end of cream soda.  Her and sister giggle and color in bottom bunk sharing cream soda.
Dad comes home with 3 gallons of bleach, Sprite and deodorant.  I am thinking yeah, that was good thinking, I won't have to run out later to get it for him.
Eric pops out of his room, can I use you guy's (he says guy's) bathroom.  I say, of course baby. 
I get a good portion cleaned, but since the wall is wet, I can't turn the light switch on, and it is dark.  Scrubbing this will have to wait for daylight.
Tony has made a pot of coffee, and made me a cup! I love him even more!
He stretches for work, I sit in the rocker and laugh.
4AM, Tony leaves for work.  I pitter pat around, and then drag the cat in to the bedroom and crash on bed.
We called a snow day.
I scrubbed the bathroom from ceiling to floor, and had my kids throughout the day, say, you do know it's Gramma's birthday. I said, yes, egads, I'll call her in a bit.
Life continued to happen, and now it is 10:24pm, I am suffering from guilt, because I love my mom, she is the best.  She listens and teaches me in ways that I don't think she even knows.  She taught me to laugh.  She taught me how to love your husband and laugh.  She taught me to love people and laugh.  I hope she is reading this and laughing.  I love you mom, and keep the cell phone by you I am calling today!


kate said...

Oh goodness no one can combine bleach and chunky pink stuff in a story like you do girl!! I am hysterically laughing at your story...happy birthday to Anne's Mom....

Sandra said...

oooooooooooohhhh Anne, i wouldn't have wanted to trade places with you heh
now go and call your mom!

alamama said...

to quote kate..."no one can combine bleach and chunky pink stuff in a story like you do girl!!" man...i also loved your TOE-nee... part. Hope you are all feeling better really soon.

blogdude said...

Yeah, yeah Alamama...I didn't appreciate that part too much myself! Who needs sleep anyway...

Toe Knee

abby said...

i was on the top then i woke up and went to the bottom bunk with my sister then went to the bathroom!

Pressed Petals said...

boy, anne, you know how to generate comments! maybe i need to write about puke!

Heather T. said...

I am so impressed with your equanimity. Personally, I would have had to run outside so *I* could get sick...

Stacey Jewell Stahl said...

Oh, Anne. Poor baby. And I'm not just talking about your daughter. :)