Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Three Major Helps for our Transition in Adopting

The boys (D7, W5 and J3) have been with us almost 2 months.  Life has been remarkable in the true craziness of stress and change, but we are surviving.  
Last Friday, my brain shut down.  I mean seriously, dizzy, freaked and I can't do this anymore shut down.  I wept and collapsed in my room, scared  and exhausted.  I had to have E call my hubby home from work.  It was horrible.  He came right down the mountain, and just began to pray and hold me, while I cried like a baby.  I had been trying to keep everyone "happy" organized and busy.  I had run out of energy and ideas, and crumpled like a rag doll.  Taco Bell was decided for dinner, and a family meeting of the highest kind was called for after the young boys were tucked in.
The conversations that took place still today blow me away.  I admitted my weakness, and Eric had the best ideas, and brought up the BIG fact that I was sucking at communicating.  Mom, if you are feeling stressed, tell us.  DUH DUH moment.  We were all doing our own thing, and no one was communicating what we were doing, but getting upset, when someone else interrupted our plans.  We came up with some key words:


  1. Observe and direct the execution of (a task, project, or activity).
  2. Observe and direct the work of (someone).
This is not taking charge, but a casual eye when the young boys are engaged in an activity.  This took a big load off my older kids.

I was wanting them to partake in the activity on a constant basis, but it was driving me insane, and the kids too.  I had gotten out my handy dandy white board and schedules and EGADS I was pushing our whole family to the brink of pure nuts!
The other was communicate, with actual words.  For example.  I needed one hour to do bills, reconcile checkbook and write out menu for grocery shopping.  I didn't tell anyone, I said, please watch the kids.  That translated to okay, I will keep an eye on them, and then I wound up losing my mind.  But, now I say, I am going into my room, to fold clothes, but am available. 
The last part is pure genius, so you know that Eric came up with it.

Not the whole family divided, but when someone is going to play a game, or take a walk, having to take ALL 3 youngin's can just kill a person.  They are a bit, argumentative and so seeking attention, that you don't ever want to do it.  So, now, Eric will say, hey D7, wanna go get gas with me in the truck? Abby will let W5 wash the dog with her, and Gabe will just play Ants in pants with J3.  We rocked this.  Now the other 2, also know that they are gonna get to do something eventually, and that it just works out some how.
This has made this weekend out to be one of the best ever.  I have one major change that happened in my life, and I hope to write it out tomorrow.  I am finding I now have time, and it can be filled with fun things, not just the boys.  I am learning and just wanted to share this with ya'll.


Mariah said...

Oh, Anne, you are amazing. You are a huge example to me...even though you may not believe it at the moment! ;-) Thank you for sharing your heart and thank you for your honesty. You have taken on something huge and of eternal value and God hasn't brought you this far to leave you! His joy will be your strength, He is your strong tower and in Him you are safe. You also have an awesome family!! (I have left your last email to me in my inbox to nudge me to write you a nice long letter every time I see it...and not just a form letter like the last one! shall be forthcoming sometime between now and when I go to Tucson conference...going early on June keep your eyes peeled!)

Heather T. said...

Gee whiz, chica, those are some really valuable concepts! Just make sure you review them every once in a while. GO YOU! =)

La Mama Loca said...

Ok I'm so out of the loop!! Congratulations on your new additions!!!! Hope things have calmed down by now and you are in your groove! Hugs!!!